A few weeks ago, two of my best friends and I sat down, determined to find exactly what the Bible said we should look for in a man. Sick of reading watered-down blogs with vague qualities we set out to find truth straight from the source. Resolutely, I grabbed my trusty ESV Study Bible and got to work. We delved straight into scripture and through prayer and mediation on God’s Word, we came up with these awesome qualities.
1. Spiritual Leader
If you’re dating for keeps, you want a man who cares about your spiritual welfare. Someone who will pray with you, read the Word with you, and discern your spiritual walk. You want a man who on your first date, asks if he can pray over your food. A man who will continuously spur you closer to the Lord through His heart for God and how he cares for you. Husbands are to love their wives in a completely self sacrificial way, following the example set by Christ, who gave Himself up for the church in a loving sacrificial way. The Biblical picture of a husband giving his life for for his wife is directly opposed to any kind of male tyranny or any kind of oppression. He needs to promote your walk with the Lord. A godly husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of spiritual fulfillment and joyful service to the Lord together. He has to point you closer to Jesus.
Ephesians 5:25 says, “husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Whoa. That is a high calling. Your man must love you and cherish you so much he would be willing to die for you. Marriage is a picture of the gospel- of Christ coming down to earth, living the perfect life, dying the death we deserved, and then defeating death. Husbands are called to love their wives AS Christ loved the church. Talk about a high standard. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t love you like Christ.
3. Truth Speaker
Ephesians 6:14 says, “put on the belt of Truth.” I definitely want my husband to speak the gospel into my life. He should be rooted and established in the gospel to be able to do this. Whenever you mess up, he should be able to point you to the saving gospel and you two should be able to rejoice and praise God for His grace together.
Righteous means “right before God.” In order for anyone to be right with God, he or she must have Christ as Lord of their life. Romans 10:9 says “if you confess with your mouth “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” That is how you achieve righteousness, it is by your faith you have been saved (Ephesians 2:6).
Ephesians 6 talks about being readied by the “gospel of peace.” The gospel should rule in his life. He should be so firm in his faith and confident in his identity as a son of God that it guides his steps in life. The gospel should produce joy and peace throughout his life. His life should be marked by it.
6. Prays and Values God’s Word
Ephesians 6 calls believers to be “praying at all times.” A godly man is a one who prays and who seeks truth through the Word of God. Ephesians 6 also tells us to carry the “sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.” The Bible is our weapon. It has power and the ability to pierce any heart. Hebrews 4:12 is one of my favorites, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” God has revealed himself to us through His word. I want a man who prays and values the Word of God.
Sometimes it feels like there are not any godly men out there. Sometimes it feels like the right one will never appear and the world is only filled with awful men who just want to use you. I completely understand if some of you feel that way. But I want to encourage you of several things if you might be looking for your right man.
The first thing is to make God #1. You should be running after God with EVERYTHING you have. You should be falling in love with the absolute greatest love story of all time-of Jesus Christ dying for YOU.
Just take a second to be in awe of that insurmountable truth.
Rest in that peace and knowledge that you don’t need a man. You have the BEST man. You have Christ. Your identity is in Him and Him alone.
The second thing is that no one is perfect. Guess what, whenever you do get married, you’re going to marry an imperfect human who was saved by grace–just like you. That means he’s probably going to be insensitive sometimes and hurt your feelings. Searching for someone perfect is not right and is opposite from the gospel. Tim Keller said it best in his book The Meaning of Marriage, “It is the illusion that if we find our one true soul mate, everything wrong with us will be healed; but that makes the lover into God, and no human being can live unto that.” A man can not take the place intended for Jesus. It is impossible and unhealthy, but most importantly raising someone to that standard is idolatry. But his life should be marked by a love and compassion that only comes from the Lord. He should be able to say he’s sorry because he definitely will mess up sometimes, and so will you.
P.S. If you want to read an amazing book about relationships pick up The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. This is an amazing book-whether you are single or married. I’m currently trying to convince my parents, who have been married for 35 years, to read it. You can buy it here.