We all know that guy. The guy who makes you compromise or be the person you never thought you would be. But for some inexplicable reason, you can’t shake him. The thought of living without him makes your throat constrict. You love him and you don’t understand why. Here are some signs that you may need to cut it off for good. It might be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. But if these signs are present in your current relationship, it’s time to do some serious soul-searching.
10. He isolates you from your friends
This can be really subtle, but if he takes you away from your godly friends it could be a sign that he needs to go. This can range from him talking bad about your friends consistently, to getting overly jealous when you spend time with them, or to him suggesting you find new friends all together. You have to consider your friends too. If you have a solid group of Christian friends who love you and have your best interests at heart; and he wants to separate you from them, it’s a huge red flag.
9. He Doesn’t bring out your best
Relationships are supposed to bring out the best characteristics in you. Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” That is how a dating relationship is supposed to be. You are both supposed to bring out the best characteristics in each other. If you find yourself losing your identity or deviating away from the Lord, be careful.
8. He belittles you
Little criticisms can add up. Be careful if a guy is constantly criticizing your appearance or making fun of the quirky way you do things. Oftentimes these jabs at your ego will be paired with a nice comment to conceal the true insult. If you begin feeling self-conscious or depressed about certain things about yourself you never felt before, be wary.
7. He hates your family
If a guy does not take an interest in your family, it’s time to let him go. We all have family baggage. It apart of being sinful humans. A relationship is supposed to empower you and help you through the difficult times. If he isn’t willing to put up with your family, even if they are difficult, he isn’t worth your time.
6. Your family hates him
This is a big one. If your family has negative feeling about a guy you are seeing, it’s probably for a good reason. Your family has your best interests at heart. If they absolutely hate your boyfriend, it is a red flag. They selflessly love you and have no ulterior motives, so if they’re getting a negative vibe from your boyfriend, it is probably for a good reason.
5. He makes you compromise
If you are doing things inside a relationship that you never thought you would do, it is time to reevaluate. If he is making you compromise your purity or your faith, he is not looking to honor God through your relationship. A dating relationship is supposed to reflect marriage, which is meant to reflect Christ and the church. Many people have asked me, “how far is too far?” My answer is always the same: if you’re asking that, then you’ve gone too far. Fight for Christ in your relationship. You should be seeking Him together, not worrying about how far you can toe-the-line before you make God mad. Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” I wish someone would’ve told me that when I was 17. So if he is trying to pressure you to dishonor God, he needs to hit the road.
4. He doesn’t pursue you spiritually
This is a tough one. I know I want the man I marry to be intentional about his walk with God and to encourage me to walk closer with the Lord. The man you seriously consider for marriage needs to be asking you intentionally how your walk with the Lord is, what you are reading in your Bible study, or how he can pray for you. This is a rare gem to find, so if you have one of these men of God, hold on to him.
3. He isn’t serving others
God calls us as Christians to be lights to the world. It is our job as ambassadors for Christ to lead others to Him. If your man isn’t striving for a life to honor God through service, you need to consider where his heart is.
2. You grow farther away from God when you are with him
Often times, many women look for completion in men rather than in Christ. I cannot stress this more, if you expect a guy to fill Christ’s place, the relationship will end horribly. Men are sinful. They cannot ever fill the place that was intended for Christ. When you put that kind of pressure and expectation on a man, it is not good for either one of you.
1. He doesn’t love God
This is the most important one. If you find yourself in a relationship where he does not love God, leave now. If he doesn’t love God, he is incapable of loving you the way Christ loved the church. Do not be gullible and think that once you are engaged or married this will change. If you are in a dating relationship and you are not pursuing Christ together, this won’t magically change once he gets you a diamond. When you date, date with your eyes open. Be aware of his spiritual walk and see if he is a man after God’s own heart. Even if he professes to love God, see if his actions correlate with his words. See how he spends his free time and money. Does he use it to glorify God and pursue intimacy with the Lord?
Whenever you date, it’s crucial to have perspective. Keep the Lord as your number one. Don’t let any man take His place. No man is capable. Seek the Lord’s face and ask Him for wisdom whenever you are getting into a new relationship. Remember that you are a daughter of the Most High and don’t lose sight of your identity. Don’t settle for anyone who treats you less than that. Remember that you were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 149:13) and that God loved you so much He gave his son to die for you.
This is not an easy thing to do. It’s not easy to end a relationship with someone you are in love with. But sometimes it has to be done, regardless of your feelings. You may need to put your emotions aside and make the Godly decision to end a bad relationship. Like I said earlier, it may be the hardest thing you will ever do and it may take you months or years to heal, but lean on God through the process. He promises to never leave you or forsake you.